Random Talk About Relationships

8:14 AM

If you were born in 90's, I know this topic probably be the most common questions you've got. As a 23-year-old girl living in Asian country, questions related to "relationship" always haunt me. Whether you are single or in relationship people will always want to know about your love life.

Am I angry when people asked me about this things? No, definitely no. Maybe in the past I tend to be over sensitive when it comes to relationship things, but for me now, its okay as long as they ask me in a good manner and politely.

Why are you still single?
This is the most frequently question I've got, I know some people also often get questioned about it. Honestly it's not only you, sometimes I also ask my self why am I still single? Why?

For some people maybe it's normal not to have relationship for 1 or 2 years. In my case, I've never been in relationship since I was born, and many people think I'm weird. How the hell in this century there is still a human that never have been dating?

I realize that I'm not teenager anymore, sad but true. Being relationship in this age sometimes feel complicated because I tend to take relationship very seriously. If I'm gonna date you, I want you to fit into my long-term vision for the future and I also want to fit yours as well. So if you're not looking for a long term relationship, you are just looking for fun and not serious about dating, I would rather stay single than settle for relationship that just adds stress and anxiety to my lives.

Clearly, some people are single because they choose to be, and I choose that way. They are simply not interested in relationship at this time in their life. Others maybe are single due to circumstances of their lives. They may have just gotten out a meaningful relationship or have dated relentlessly and just haven't found someone with whom they're truly compatible.

"Wanting to love but fear of commitment"

There was a time when I think I should probably give a chance to someone, but at the same time I'm afraid I'm going to get hurt or maybe I will hurt his feeling. If we do that, dating, there's a greater chance that we're wrong or maybe right, but we just don't know it. The tendency to over analyze in the end lends me not wanting to try.

This is why some people are still single. I think it's okay if you choose to be single. A well-known quote says "love when you're ready, not when you're lonely". Feeling lonely is a common factor to rush into a relationship. Be smart and wait for committed relationship when you're completely ready. Don't date someone temporarily. It will lead to wasting your precious time and theirs as well. Don't rush into a relationship to make others happy.

Why are you so picky when it comes to relationship?
I recently read some website that said INFJs are really picky when it comes to relationship . Yes I'm an INFJ. As an INFJ, I can relate so much when I read those articles. Well, I think I need to write about this because sometimes people misunderstood us as INJFs and it's make me frustrated. My fellow INFJs I know what you feel, I think this is why many INFJ person could find it difficult to attract romantic partners.

Let me tell you a bit about our personality. INFJs are rare, reserved, and unlikely to initiate anything, which means many of them can end up alone and misunderstood. They are empathic, introspective, imaginative, mysterious, have rich inner worlds and they also happen to make devoted partners, friends and activists for justice. They also tend to be on the complex side, very complex.
INFJs are said to be one of the rarest Myers-Briggs personalities types, making up only 1-2% of the population. I can imagine how rare our species. I mean I have so many closest friends with introvert personality but I don't think one of them are INFJs. 
Being an INFJ doesn't make me special. All personalities are special. In fact growing up with this personality make me super tiring and stressful because no one really understood me. I also find it difficult to understand my self. I can say we are too weird too live, but too rare to die, you can put us on museum! 

If you find INFJs hard to chase, I think it's only because you are not taking the time to know, and understand them. INFJs want a long term love, not a short fling, so they won't interested in a few dates or few days, it takes time. Being consistent with an INFJ is paramount, your words and actions must always match otherwise to us you are fake, you are not interest to know us, you are just curious. 

You have to know, if you are trying to chase INFJs, you should be careful. They are really unpredictable, they care and think too much about everything, and sometimes they might not really believe that anyone care about them or trying to chase them. 

INFJs are hard to chase because we already know what you are doing, they can anticipate what you're going to say or do before you do it. It's like playing chess with someone who already knows how the game will end.

As an INFJ, I tend to observe people and often mimic other types to hide my true self. I know if someone interested in me or they hate me from miles away. I can probably see what intentions you have just looking into your eyes or sensing what kind of intentions you have. So if you try to give a signal to INFJ, don't think they don't know. They can sense it and they can't live up the hype. But the problem is, they act like they don't know.

"Some people act like chameleons, so it's difficult to know what in their mind and what they might actually like versus what they don't. They always try to 'fit-in' in every different situations.They never tell their feeling except you ask, they are having "layers" which only select few people granted the access". 

for INFJs the inner world is more "real" than the outer world and there are a lot thoughts going on inside our heads.

And one little warning at the end: you have to be very brave and careful with chasing an INFJ heart. There are possible option that one of you might get hurt, you or her. I think you can't realize if you are hurting them because they never tell their true feeling. You can't just chase INFJ and break up without causing her very deep and painful soul or mental harm that might never heal properly for the rest of their life because they are extremely sensitive.

Are you in relationship now? Do women like to be chased?

"Have you ever been not in relationship with someone, but you like each other, but you don't wanna admit nor deny your feelings as well. Both of you know there's something but you just cant seem to talk about it. So you will end up longing and exited about each other".

Thinking about your crush kinda frustrated. Does he likes me? Why would he does that? Why he talks about other woman, did our chat mean nothing for him? Why he just make me confused? I don't think he likes me, why would even he likes me, I'm not a good person for him, he deserve better. All of negatives assumptions, bad scenario, and expectation about him popping up in your brain and you just can't stop!

I know it's frustrated. I've been in this moment several times with some men, God that plural "men" make me look bad. But yes it's true "some men". I hate being confused with my feeling. I hate when someone make the relationship isn't clear, but at the same time I also hate being chased.
Women are indeed a species that is difficult to understand.
The fact that I think about that person all the time but don't want to be chased it's kinda opposite. So yap, you're just end up being exited about something for uncertain things.

Some women may like to be chased, but for me, I don't like when a guy chase after me and they make it to obvious, like telling their friend or make sudden public announce like

"Hey everybody you have to know that I like this girl".

I know it's good for a man to show their love but please make it silent especially if you're not yet into relationship with that person. If you want to show your love in public please make it really smart and make other people don't have a clue.

Women are smart, although you give her morse code I think they can solve them. You don't need to try to hard to give her a signal, if you like her just confess your feeling. Make it clear, because women often get confused with a lot of feelings she receive from some men, yet you have to be ready she might reject you or if you're lucky maybe she has the same feeling with you? Who knows.

Set the boundaries problem
Some women may encounter this problem, cannot set the boundary. Being friendly it's good, but sometimes also bad. I met some men before and it puts pressure onto me to be "nice and friendly" to them because I hate the idea of rejecting  or say "no" to person because I care about others feeling to avoid hurting their feelings although I don't like them. It's hard for me to set the boundaries. When I talk with someone,  I put my self into their situations too see other people's perspectives and try to connect with that person's emotion on a deeper level. I tried to be friendly and kind but I think some of them get confused and misunderstood that I like them back, and they want something more, rush the feeling, it's just make me really stress and exhausted.

I'm afraid that if someday I find my man and share it with the world, he may think I give him the false hope, that's why sometimes I hate my personality. So I just want to say sorry for all people that may  ever getting hurt by me before, is not your fault but it's mine, me and my personality. 

Patriarchy culture is one of the most influential issues in our lives. My relatives even my mom always tell me like "women should be married before turning the age of 25". I'm not against this, for me that thing marriage as well as the dreams I have for my career and life. When I was child I was thinking that I want to get married at the age of 24. But in reality, it's hard for a woman when it comes to marriage. Can I still pursue my dream even if I'm married? What if I want to decide if I don't getting married at 25?
Many people maybe will tell you that marriage won't stop you for attaining your dreams. This might turn out to be true in some rare cases, but mostly, you know what will happen in reality.

The most valuable resource we have is time. We get exactly 24 hours each day and every day. If you spend 8-10 hours every day working outside your home, you will not be able to spend these hours with your husband and children. Modern feminist often claims we can have both, but it's not true.
We can't have marriage, children, happy prince charming and career at the same time. We have to choose!

It's about time, it's about priorities, and when the time comes, I willing to give up for everything and choose family.

If your dream is to get married, then you should carry on. But if you are getting married due to societal pressure, then pursuance of dreams is far more important than marriage. I'm not saying that I don't want to be in relationship or marrige at a young age. In fact, I constantly looking for my soulmate.

I wish every women in this world could find a man that would encourage them to pursue what they want.

"My heart is not captured easily. I'm disinterested in small talk, disillusioned with love, and too focused on my dreams and aspirations to lend anybody attention. But if you find your way into my heart, God, I will fall for you like gravity has let go of the earth"

I'm in no way expert in relationships. But I just wanna say that I think it's time for us to grow up and realize that love should not be desperately pursued because it's not going to happen the way you want to.  Let love come to you and be open to a proper relationship when you're completely ready to give it all. Cheers~

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