Just a Typical Day on April 18th

10:11 AM

Hi! it's been a while and here's me broke another promise to keep posting two articles every week. It's April already and I haven't posted anything on my blog because I was busy and I think I will make this as an excuse again whenever I feel super busy, so nevermind, it's just me and my poor time management skill and a procrastinator who keeps making an excuse.

Actually, I've made some drafts on my blog but because of many unexpected circumstances have happened lately or maybe it's just me and my excuse, it took time to edit and post the article on my blog. 

I've been into journaling lately and I can't believe I have six journals with different purposes. I think that's also one of the reasons I rarely post something on my blog. Journaling is amazing, fun, and addictive. By journaling, I can keep track of my dreams, plans, memories, thoughts, moods. It's just a place for me to pour out frustrations in a way that's not harmful to anyone.

Anyway, today is April 18th, just another typical day that happens every year with no special meaning for people, perhaps.
April 18 may be an average day for you.
On April 18 maybe some of us are still working in the middle of a life-threatening pandemic.
On April 18 maybe there are those who are happy to spend time with family.
On April 18 maybe there are those who are happy because they get married.
On April 18 maybe there are people who are sad because they are left by their loved ones.
There are many versions of April 18 of us, but for me, today is a special day because on this day, 24 years ago, I was born.

24 years old is not a young age.
24 years old means I have nearly spent a quarter of my life on this earth.

Frankly speaking, there is a slight sense of sadness entering this age. Being an adult was something that I looked forward when I was a child. But as an adult this time, life just got complicated and make me want to jump back to the moment when my worries just about haven't finished my homework or afraid of getting scold by my mom because I got 50 on my math test. 

Nonetheless, among all of those fears and worries about uncertainty, what makes me more afraid is the death, the inevitably that would happen to us. Being a year older means our life span reduces by one year. 

How much time left for me in this world? Can I still meet another 18th of April by the next year or 5 more years? What if death precedes me faster than all the life plans that I have neatly arranged. Sometimes I cry just because I think about death or afraid someday I will lose someone I love and because of that, I kind of hate birthdays.

Birthday Memories

When I was little, birthday was the day I always waited for. Back to 1998, when my family decided to move from Kalimantan to a small remote village located in West Nusa Tenggara, Maluk, which its name had not been written on maps. In 2000, that was the first birthday I could vividly remember. I was like one of the other kids who wanted her birthday to be celebrated with a cake, balloons, presents, and not forget to mention, a beautiful dress. However, having a birthday party was something we could say expensive for us when our family still have to struggle with monthly payment for our rent, think how to save money for the future, or even frustrated and had to lend some money when I got sick. My dream to hold a birthday party on my 4th years birthday is just a wish, instead, we celebrated it with my friends at the beach, but I was happy, like the other kids, who run and sang on her way, too excited that she stumbled and hurt her knee, but at the end, she still smile on the picture.

My dad promised me, by the next year, he will hold a birthday party for me. My dad never breaks his promise. One year later he held a small birthday party with a cake, balloons, and a poster with my name on it made and decorated by him, and I wear a beautiful pink dress, my favorite colour. That was the best birthday I've ever had in my life! 

Introvert celebrating her birthday, she was happy, she just needed time alone to charge her self.

I'm just a girl who is treated as a precious daughter by her small family. We have nothing but the dreams we believe that have led us until this stage.
My parents never ask me to be the smartest, the richest, or everything related to Dunya.
Life with gratitude, be grateful, be kind to others and never give up are words that I always hear from them.

April 18, 2020
00.00 PM

It's hard to make a surprise when you're a nocturnal who always sleeps above 00.00 PM every day, thanks to my mom, my brother, my two cats, and my dad via video call for putting these efforts to make a little surprise and made my April feel special. It's sad because my dad is not at home and probably we can't see each other until Hari Raya too, but I know he always be with us, even though it's just virtual.

but mom I wear no makeup, no hijab on, and the candles should be 24 not 25! but that's okay mom, and thank you

One of my cat tried to eat my cake


Every year on my birthday, I always do self-reflection, be alone, just a half-day, think about everything thoroughly, about my dreams, plans, the future, what I want, how to improve myself to be a better individual, be grateful for everything, self-acceptance for everything that happened in my life.

I don't think I fit my generation's popular stereotypes. Honestly, what I really want is a solid year, filled with productivity, fulfilling with growth and the opportunity to try and learn something new about myself and other people, be grateful and be happy.

Dear myself...

You're almost a quarter-of-a-century years old, you may worry about things that aren't even necessarily going to happen, or out of your control, or maybe afraid because your future not working out the way that you initially planned but you have to know that everything will happen the way that is should so stop worrying and overthinking because it will add another weight on your shoulder.

You may catch yourself in this act, too, and saying "God! When is that going to happen for me?" Let me tell you something: You're on you're right where you're supposed to be. You're on your own pace. Trust the timing of your life. Don't compare your life to others. So, keep putting one foot in front the other, and take it to heart when someone says to you "Keep going, you are getting there."

Find beauty in everything and everywhere. Look at your usual surroundings with a new lens, maybe it's just a simple thing like to see the sun comes through your bedroom or laugh whenever you see your cats do something stupid.

There's always something to appreciate and love a little bit more, and being 24, you need that reminder more than ever before.

It's just a typical day on April 18, but I hope you're always happy and be grateful. I wish I can see you on another April 18th.

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