If there’s any feeling I don’t want to experience, it’s the “loss of feeling.”
Sometimes I wonder why couples who once shared love, stories, dreams, and visions eventually decide to live apart. It feels both sad and frightening. How can a heart that once said I love you now lose all its feeling?
Aku sering mikir, apakah cinta itu memang sesuatu yang rapuh, gampang hilang seiring waktu? Atau sebenarnya cinta adalah sesuatu yang harus kita pilih untuk dijaga setiap hari, no matter how hard it gets?
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As I grew older, I began to pay more attention to the relationships around me. Friends, relatives, even strangers on the internet, each story carried a pattern. At first, there is warmth, excitement, and affection. Then slowly, life gets in the way. Work, responsibilities, personal differences, or even small habits begin to wear down the connection.
Dan ketika usaha itu nggak seimbang, atau nggak dihargai, hati pelan-pelan mundur. Diam-diam menjauh, tanpa suara, tanpa drama besar. Just that quiet withdrawal.
Tapi di tengah semua pengamatan itu, aku punya contoh nyata tentang cinta yang bertahan: orang tuaku.
I used to see my parents as an ideal couple. They weren’t perfect—no one is—but they taught me something valuable. Even though they had to go through years of long-distance relationship, their bond survived.
Aku sering melihat mereka saling memaafkan, lagi dan lagi. Kadang aku bertanya-tanya, sudah berapa kali ya mereka saling memaafkan? Ratusan? Ribuan? Dan pertanyaan itu bikin aku refleksi: apakah aku nanti bisa punya hati sebesar itu untuk memaafkan? Atau apakah pasanganku nanti bisa cukup sabar memaafkan aku ketika aku bikin salah yang bahkan nggak sengaja?
Because here’s the truth: being human means making mistakes.
Kadang salahnya kecil, kadang besar. Kadang kita nyakitin orang yang kita sayang tanpa sadar. Bisa karena kata-kata yang sembarangan, janji yang lupa ditepati, atau sekadar momen egois. Dan setelah itu kita bilang “sorry.” Sekali, dua kali, seratus kali.
Tapi muncul lagi pertanyaan: kalau orang sering banget bilang maaf, apakah artinya dia orang yang nggak considerate? Apakah itu artinya dia nggak benar-benar menghargai perasaan pasangannya?
This is where the tension lies in every relationship: the balance between forgiving and repeating.
Forgiveness, at its core, is an act of love. It’s the willingness to let go of anger and resentment, to choose connection over pride. But forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, nor does it mean tolerating behavior that causes consistent pain.
Aku selalu bayangin forgiveness itu kayak jembatan. Di satu sisi ada luka, di sisi lain ada healing. Dan maaf adalah yang bikin dua orang bisa nyebrang bareng. Tapi kalau lukanya datang terus, setiap hari, lama-lama jembatan itu rapuh. Nggak peduli sebesar apa rasa cintanya, kalau diinjak dengan sembarangan, jembatan bisa runtuh juga.
Watching my parents, I realized forgiveness doesn’t work on its own. It only works when paired with effort and change.
Ayahku mungkin memaafkan, tapi beliau juga belajar untuk mendengar. Ibuku juga memaafkan, tapi beliau berusaha menyesuaikan diri. Mereka berdua sama-sama berusaha menghindari kesalahan yang sama berulang kali.
That’s why their forgiveness carried weight—it wasn’t just words, it was commitment.
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So I ask myself again: what does it really mean to love someone?
Maybe love isn’t just the butterflies at the beginning, or the comfort of having someone beside you. Maybe love is the repeated decision to forgive and to be forgiven, as long as the relationship is still nurturing and respectful.
Dan tentu saja, ada batasnya. Forgiveness is beautiful, but it cannot be demanded. Kalau seseorang terus melukai tanpa peduli, kita nggak punya kewajiban untuk terus bertahan. Love without respect and growth becomes one-sided—and that’s when the “loss of feeling” creeps in.
Sometimes, I think the real fear is not about losing love itself, but about losing the will to forgive. Karena ketika maaf sudah habis, biasanya cinta juga ikut pergi.
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So where does that leave me?It leaves me reflecting on the kind of partner I want to be. Do I want to be someone who casually says “sorry” without trying to change? Of course not. Aku ingin jadi seseorang yang bertanggung jawab, yang belajar, yang berusaha untuk tidak menyakiti dengan cara yang sama dua kali.
Because forgiveness, after all, is a two-way street. Both people need to walk on it together.
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When I think about the future, I know I can’t predict what will happen in my relationships. Tapi satu hal yang aku tahu pasti adalah apa yang ingin kubawa: kesabaran, kerendahan hati, dan keberanian untuk memaafkan.
Maybe that’s the secret to keeping love alive, not avoiding mistakes completely, but learning to forgive with sincerity and to change with honesty. Because in the end, love is not about never hurting each other. Love is about always finding a way back to each other, even after the hurt.
So if there’s any feeling I truly don’t want to experience, it’s not just the loss of love—it’s the loss of forgiveness. For as long as forgiveness exists, love still has a chance to grow.
